Honestly - Melisa Polinar

I never felt this way before
I never thought I was capable
but here I am

Oh, you came so suddenly
And I didn't know what took over me
And what's unfair is...
Is that i'm here and you're there

Tell me how you've been
want to see your face again
'cause I'm missing you

Oh it's been a while
last time my heart felt a smile
It's yearning for you

Honestly, your love completes me
completely

You are, you are
My light when there is only dark
you've been, you've been
the one I just can't be apart
with you, with you
I know I'll never feel alone
Someday, someday
I know we'll be together soon 'cause

Honestly, your love completes me
completely

No one else can compare
time and time again you take me there
high above the clouds
when I don't hear your voice
my spirit's low I got no choice
can't keep lying to myself

Honestly, your love completes me
completely

(chorus 2x)

I never felt this way before
I never thought I was capable
but here I am

*was obsessed with this song thou =))))

maybe it was a cycle or maybe it would end soon. 

放手？

I've read an article about relationship which stated the only mutual interest between the guy and girl was sex. Well it didn't not end well as both of them were from different society status with no mutual interest in life, hobby, friends and even thoughts. It amaze me as their relationship did lasted for three years which was kind of long. It's more like a relationship problem asked then an article. The girl wanted to knew by far is their any chance she could still be friends with the guy. Well, 'love expert' did mention that being friends wouldn't be a good choice as the guy would be the one being hurt more compared to the girl as the girl was from a higher social rank. It's funny, how people usually mentioned that love had no boundaries, well this shows the problem. With no common topic or mutual interest and even tolerance to different social rank habits, love seems like nothing. Sometimes I wonder if love is a feeling that so strong that you would sacrifice and adapt to a new life. Or maybe love is just something you're being comfortable with, no excitement, just easiness ? Something I questioned a lot. We knew that out love story would never be the same as what we read, we heard and even we dreamed, cause their are no prince in life just boy that we loved. Maybe I'm in that situation, fallen for a different society rank guy. Which seems so impossible in anyway. And it's funny that a guy once told me that if a dude had no interest, he would never be. Not in a fact that I wouldn't believe him, but I'm obsessed or just being overly confident that something mighty change in the future. Optimistic ? Nah, just not prone in finding a new one. Maybe I used him as a boat, for me to float till I found an island. The fact that I couldn't stay inside the boat during bad weathers, but I'm happy for floating 😂😂. I don't even know how to describe myself now, I'm just pure weird. Then coincidently there was this other articles that mentioned girl shouldn't categories guys. This would make our difference in communicating or showing our true self in front of them. Well apparently u didn't meant to categories anyone but the fact that you figured out you had fallen for him would not be some easy shit that you can blind your mind or even ignored it. Well, I guess this would be the end for us, not like there was even us existed in the first place, but yea I'll never be me in front of you again. So you wouldn't fall for the real me and everything would seem so fake, it started at the strong time and now I shall end it. Hoping I might found a new distraction soon, thou I know it's not possible😅😅. Done, seriously promise myself I'm done.

拘束

我记得我有个好友说他想要简简单单的找一个cool魔和holiday那似友非友或是说像类似no string attached的关系。其实，我也很赞同。我蛮欣赏这类轻松的关系，虽然有人会说这只是不负责任的想法。或者我们现代人的关系渐渐复杂了，心也容易累。如果你问我，我觉得我应该还能承受那复杂又沉重的关系，但是我怕'他'不能。或许是我多虑了，不过我看得出'他'是那样的男生。男生，而不是男人，却让我痴痴的迷恋。我没有勇气，没有勇气告诉'他'，我愿意。我愿意接受这一切不负责任的关系。但是我没勇气。。。。

Don John

Well I'm not really a movie review kind of person, but since I felt like practicing my english and start blogging again. This movie should get in my blog today cause my life is really that boring. Hahahah. Not true. I tried cooking lentils too, but yea let's get back to Don John. I'm not trying to be a spoiler person, so I'll probably just mention what I think about the movie. I would say it does help in understanding guys view, not like the majority, but yea I'm kinda stuck with something similar. So I kind of need to figured out the way HE thinks. Well the best solution for this kind of situation is always ask him, but mine is a little complicated. #ineverlistentomyownsocalledwiseadvice (obsess with hashtag is not a good thing) Even though most guys like porn, but they are not junkies like john right~ ( the self-doubting moment, where I think most guys are addicted to porn ) okay probably some of my best guys friend don't. I like the way Don John was a typical town guys who is religious but yet he uses it as his excuse to do different sins. Not like having sexual intercourse, watching porn or even kissing seems wrong to me, but the way he confess haven't show any guilt and he even seems happy to share his sexual life. Not trying to judge different religion thou, but Don John attitude does make me questions about the religion system and goals. I like the cinematic view in the sense it's more real, as John mentioned he liked pornography due to its clear view of females body part. So thus I like the realness in showing how different sexuality human being express them self in the movie. Anyway I like the last part where he truly understand his own problem and he tried to solve it in a slow pace. Dude do you wanna have an eye to eye talk ? ( shouting in my mind cause I have no guts to ask him so ) Ciao, night to weirdo that actually read my bullshit. P.s. My failed lentil mashed up dish 

I appreciate normal food more than anyone does after eating food I made myself #sadlife. 

Future plan

Was having a random discussion with my   Mauritius besties. That future dilemma of our career. The blur spot that we weren't sure about what we would get ourself into. We knew we aren't hardworking students that might contribute to the environment in doing research and provide for information for people to understand. Yet, we aren't hyperactive students that would choose to stay in the forest or in the sea for conducting field work for the rest if our life. Well, apparently there aren't much choice left. So it's either we stick with environmental relatable jobs such as increasing awareness and educating public to ensure everyone is persueing a sustainable lifestyle or either get of ass back to the chaotic world full of stories and lies that we hate. I wouldn't say that there is magic happened in between our conversation, but yea.. We kind of clicked and figured out we wanted people to understand the consequences of our reaction. The tiny act in our life that would causes huge consequences to the environment just like the butterfly effect. We would love them to experience their cause of carelessness and irresponsibility on handling some daily matter. Psychologically, human's will react or response to event that they have onced experience, cause by not being a victim of certain catastrophic event, one's does not truly understand the feelings of those we does. By building campaign or maybe  even an experience museum, people could be more willing to contribute to the environment. More basic floor plan would be shown, cause I'm eager in the design !! Wohoo